PCVs spend a lot of time alone and many of us develop hobbies during that time. In the case of my buddy Jay, that hobby has been the obscure combination of poetry and Microsoft paint art. A few weeks ago we got to discussing what a half human, half shark child would look like. We figured the child’s father (human) would likely reject the child due to its voracious biting and the fact that its part shark…and that would be weird. Eventually Jay suggested capturing this creature of absurdity in the arts, and so he wrote the following poem and I took to Microsoft Paint. The following is the result…
An abomination of unholy proportions
Fins, black beady eyes, and rows of razor sharp teeth
Yet all the nuisances of Legos strewn about the floor, myriad “why” questions, and an open door while the air conditioner runs
What could have compelled me to partake in such impure and base actions?
Those with two legs and none at all should never mix
What have I done?
He clumsily approaches, I can hear his voracious biting and feel his burning need for my affection
Quickly, think! How do I avoid him? Where can I hide?
Oh, too late…
*CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP* “faTHr” *CHOMP* “i lUv u” *CHOMP* “pleEse…”
Oh, uh, son, how utterly… happy I am… to see you *CHOMP*
Who am I kidding? His mere appearance invokes bile, and its faint aroma incites an attempt on my life
He doesn’t belong in my land dwelling home
He certainly can’t survive in the sea
What’s a father to do? My only comfort, my solitary confinement, wrestling my unending torment
A soccer ball kicked, he flops miserably on the ground, his gills now bruised
At the zoo we pass the seal exhibit, he goes into a blood frenzy, a child now without limbs
My face in my hands, despondent, I hear through hundreds of gnashing teeth…